“Emotional Resilience” refers to one’s ability to adapt to stressful situations or crises.
More resilient people are able to “roll with the punches” and adapt to adversity without lasting difficulties, while less resilient people have a harder time with stress and life changes.
Emotional Resilience gives us the freedom to be ourselves and follow our purpose without being defined by our reactions, our mental commentary, and judgments of ourselves or others. It allows us to be authentic, free and happy.
Below are eight characteristics of “emotionally resilient” people.
1. Emotional Awareness
Being able to identify what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way.
“I’m not feeling hurt, I’m feeling angry (the feeling) about what my STBX said in Court today (the event) because it wasn’t true (the reason).“
Being able to steadfastly do something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.
Communicating with your STBX regarding your children in a respectful, mature, child-focused manner without giving into his attempts to cause you to lose your cool with him.
3. Internal Locus Of Control
Believing that they’re in control of themselves most of the time and that they have a choice in most situations.
Knowing that you have the ability to choose who you want to allow in your life and who you don’t want to allow in your life; and if they must be in your life, to what extent you will permit them to have an effect on you and/or your life.
Finding the positive aspects in most situations and believing they will handle whatever comes along.
Accepting that divorce will result in changes in your life (relationships, finances, etc.) that will present challenges but believing that you will conquer those challenges and succeed in being happier, safer, more respected, etc.
Knowing the value of social support and being able to find and surround themselves with supportive friends, family, etc.
Letting people close to you and/or your situation (family, friends, etc.) know that you’re going through a divorce (including your children’s teachers) so they can be aware of your need for support and so they’ll have the ability to offer their support if they’re so inclined.
Able to learn from their mistakes rather than deny them; see obstacles as challenges to be overcome or adjusted to, and find meaning in difficult situations rather than seeing themselves as a victim of uncontrollable circumstances.
Recognizing that being unfaithful to someone (the mistake) is hurtful and not acceptable; seeing the breach in trust (the obstacle) as a challenge to overcome in order for you to be trustworthy again to yourself and others; and learning the “why” behind the decisions you made that resulted in your mistake so you can control the quality of your future decisions.
7. Sense of Humor
Able to laugh at themselves and life’s difficulties as a way of coping with something unpleasant.
Host a post-divorce party requiring each of your attendees to give you their best post-divorce dating advice as their ticket into the party. Make a game of it!
8. Handling Troublesome Emotions
The ability to manage strong feelings and impulses rather than give into them.
Avoiding engaging in “mud-slinging” with your STBX or already Ex-Spouse when they’re trying to provoke you because that’s the only way they can control you and your emotions at this point.
As a Health & Wellness Coach, I can help you build & better your “emotional resilience” by cutting to the core of your thinking and beliefs, giving you tools to help you let go and relax, and bringing your emotions and thoughts within your own control.
Please feel free to schedule a FREE consultation with me (Lisa) to learn how I can help you build and/or better your Emotional Resilience so you can finally be your authentic, free and happy self.
Lisa M. McNally
Certified Divorce & Health Coach
Certified Divorce & Family Mediator
Certified Divorce Financial Analyst